The Road to Transformation

Photo by Giampaolo Macorig

I know a lot more women than men loved the book (and movie), “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert.

I happen to be one of those few men who loved the book. Haven’t seen the movie yet. But, I’m sure I’ll love that too.

And I’m ok with that.

Really.

I am.

In one part of the book Liz says, as she marvels at the Augusteum in Rome, after realizing how much change this structure has been through – ruined, rebuilt, ruined, rebuilt – that, “Ruin is the road to transformation.” She has a moment of insight that maybe her life is not as bad as she thinks it is. That the troubles, turmoil, and loss actually is changing her. And, for the better.

A friend recently injured her knee. Badly. She’s on crutches. Can’t put much of any weight on her knee. Needs help with a lot of stuff. She lives alone so she had to ask a friend to take her in. Her life as she knew is crumbling around her. Gone is the sport she loved. Gone is playing with her dog. Gone is the simple act of cooking, taking a shower, cleaning her apartment. Right now, all of that is gone. And this same friend went through four years of rehab to rebuild this very same knee just a few short years ago to return to a highly athletic ability.

She is the Augusteum. She may not see that right now. Most wouldn’t.

We see things as problems because of what they do to us instead of reorganizing the information as opportunity or challenge. We see a situation as a problem because we choose to see it as a problem.

We choose.

That is something I learn again and again, it feels like, almost everyday. Sometimes my life feels like the movie Groundhog Day where Bill Murray’s character wakes up to repeat the same events over and over.  It takes a lot of mental and emotional energy to re-frame a situation from a problem to an opportunity. And, I believe, whether you want to call it The Universe, or God, or a Higher Power, something will keep setting you up in situations again and again until you learn what you need to learn.

Stephen Covey once said, “The way you see the problem is the problem.”

So, here’s what I told my friend to help her move from the problem view to the opportunity view.

• Grieve your loss. It’s ok to feel sad, angry, confused. It’s normal. Where you run into trouble is when you block these emotions, stuff them down inside of you to fester. Let it out. I walked up to her, put my around her and said quietly,”It’s going to be ok. You’re going to be ok.” And out poured a river of sadness mixed with who knows what else through her tears and sobs.
• What do you want to have? I asked her to write down, as clearly as she could, what she wanted the end result of her recovery to be. Not something like, “I want to be better” but in great detail. This kicks in a different part of your brain and helps you get out of the inactivity loop.
• List the steps to get there. At first just write it all down. Then, organize it in a sequence.
• Work step one, then step two, the step three, etc. Check them off as you complete them.
• Sunday night, write down three things you’re going to do the coming week on your plan. And, reflect on what you learned the prior week.
• Celebrate the achievement of each step. Do something nice for your self.

Life is not static. Stuff happens. Sometimes things don’t work out like we have them all planned in our head whether that’s an injury or it’s you’re not losing weight fast enough, or your not as strong as you would like to be. It’s how we choose to react to the events that transforms us into who we really are.

Ruin is the road to transformation as long as you’re willing to see the ruin as opportunity.

Can you?